Returning state-side

What happened to the SADF veteran of the Angolan Bush War....

When I got back state-side, it was in time for my 40 day milestone which was so exciting as I would be able to see all my family and friends. My thoughts at the time were like I suppose many returning troops, I hope they know what I have gone through, please dont ask questions and what if they notice I have changed ect..... They were valid concerns!!!

I was in the bush for the last 7 months and found coming back a bit scary. The one was any loud trucks, a plane flying over or driving a car in busy city traffic.

My first few days back in Bethlehem were pretty much uneventful. However, I still had issues like my 6th sense when someone was behind me un-announced still stayed with me and walking in the bush alone and without my R4, this scared the daylights out of me for a couple of years.

During the 40 days I had left in the army, I had to see a psychiatrist every week so they could judge whether the civvies would be safe with my return as some troops came back with Bossies (Shell-Shock or PTSD) and had to be professionally cared for.

I guess you could say I was one of the lucky ones and found to be sane enough to klaar out - which in itself was great. This still did not stop the nightmares or the voices one hears in the dark or the images imprinted in one's memory, it does not take away the memories or the fears that go with the memories or the heightened senses one has..... I am left to deal with these myself.

Much later, like some twenty odd years later all the above have diminished to such an extent I can live a so called normal life, however I do feel the experience has changed me in that I don't do well with friendships any more and I have become a bit of a loner so I don't have to feel people rely on me and vice versa. Dont get me wrong I have the best relationship in the world with my wife and my kids, we do have some friends but this is on my terms. So, I guess I am still affected in some ways and I will be until I take my last breath......